A (long) phone rant

Call waiting is something that really gets on my nerves, and there are very few things that really annoy me.

On the whole, my Mother is one of the most courteous people you will ever meet, however, her phone etiquette is atrocious and it's all because of call waiting. My Mother is not the only culprit either. Other relatives and friends practice the same sort of inconsiderateness. Here you are, having a meaningful conversation with someone and suddenly they dismiss you like a piece of day old fish because a faint beep is heard on their end of the phone. "Hold on a minute, I have a call coming in." Hello. Wasn't I already a call coming in?

Usually, my Mother (or friend) answers the other call and clicks back over to me. But, what's the point? The conversation has been rudely interrupted and can resume with only a flicker of continuity, while my Mother (or friend) is subconsciously wondering why the other person called and is anxious to get off the phone so she can call back the other caller.

Why waste time and put the person on hold as opposed to telling them you will call them back? I can’t tell you how many times I have been forgotten and left hanging on the line for what seems like an eternity until I get totally annoyed and frustrated and hang up.

And one last, equally annoying offense are those friends or family members whom you are speaking with on their home phone who need to end the call with you due to another call that is coming in on their cell phone! Once again, this action only serves to make you feel like a second class citizen.

So, what can you do to be less annoying to your friends and family? Here are some basic tips:

1. Don't use call waiting, or better yet, get rid of it. I have never liked the idea of call waiting. I don’t have it and I am annoyed with friends and family members that abuse it. Now that we have voice mail, you will never truly “miss” a call. If you are talking to someone and get another call, do not answer it (unless it's your significant other or an important call you have been waiting for). That's why we have voice mail.

There's simply no good reason for call waiting. Let's review its typical use: You're talking to someone when you hear the call waiting tone. You say, "Hey, hold on a second, I've got another call." You click over, tell the new caller that you're on the other line, and then click back to the original caller and say, "Hey, I've got to take this, because the new caller is infinitely more important than you, loser."

Here’s a shocker: You don't always have to answer call waiting! If your best friend is weeping over a broken heart and you interrupt her in mid-sob to take a call from what will probably be a telemarketer, you are evil. You may not "trade up" to a more interesting second caller.

It's impolite to end a conversation to take another call, especially more than once. If you have the call-waiting feature on your phone and you feel you must respond to a beep, do so quickly and graciously: "I have to answer this call. May I put you on hold for a second?" Then tell the other caller that you're in the middle of a conversation and arrange a time to get back to her. Return to the original person and finish your chat without rushing off. If you are indeed expecting an important call, let the person on the other end know up front that there's a chance you might have to cut the conversation short.

2. Don't interrupt your current conversation. If I'm standing there talking to someone in person and I get a call. The conversation I'm already having is more important (unless it's your significant other or an important call you’ve been waiting for). Yet again, voice mail!

3. Always listen to your voicemail messages. Ever leave a detailed, minutes-long message for someone, only to have him/her return your call and say, "So, you called? What's up?" When you ask if they listened to your message, they casually say, "No, I just saw that you called. What's going on?" Trust me: When this happens repeatedly, friendships can be irreparably damaged.

So here's a suggestion: If you routinely don't listen to your messages and just scan your Caller ID for missed calls, please change your outgoing message to this: "I'm not going to listen to your message, so don't blabber on because when I call you back you'll just have to repeat the whole thing." At minimum, be consistent. Either always listen to your messages, or never listen to them.

4. Do not multitask. Many people pride themselves on their ability to do additional "productive" things while on the phone. Some can pull it off and their phone partners don't notice their split focus, but most can't. Here are the giveaways: They don't always track conversation points appropriately, have an intermittent vague or distant tone of voice, and make noise doing whatever it is they're doing. Most of us prefer chatting with people who can give us their undivided attention.

Please be respectful of the person on the other end of the phone. Value their time as much as your own.