You need to play the game

I had a long conversation on the phone with a friend last night discussing dating. She recently had dinner with a couple of single male friends who expressed their frustration about how difficult it was to find a great woman. I was shocked. I always assumed that men had it easy, especially in San Francisco where the ratio of single men to single women seems to clearly favor men.

According to these guys, there are two problems:

1) Men don't want women to chase them
2) Men don't like when "the chase" is too easy

Ok, so while those concepts seem pretty easy to grasp, what are women supposed to do to get their foot in the door??

I searched high and low for answers and this is what I learned:

1. Don't call to say hi, check in, or discover why he hasn't called. This is seen as pushy and desperate. If you don't like the slow pace, perhaps the guy isn't the right one for you. If you feel compelled to call when you haven't heard from him, don't make more than one light-hearted and friendly call. That's it. Either he'll pick up the ball or not, but leave that ball in his court.

2. While we live in modern times, the chase remains important. Most men still prefer to pursue women during the initial phase of dating. They want to chase and win you over, rather than feel like you're a push over. It's not about playing really hard to get. It is about not being too available or overly enthusiastic. Simple human nature creates the desire to want what isn't readily available and without this tension, there's nothing to "conquer."

Conclusion:
Whether you like it or not, you need to play the game.
Recommended action:
"Instead of chasing someone and risking the appearance of desperation or neediness, use your wit, intellect and charm to draw a man in. Let him know and see why you're a great catch."

"Demonstrate your delightful character by being fun to be with and looking your best. Flirt with him, flatter and praise him (but keep it genuine please), and show appreciation by thanking him. And, let him lead the way for at least the first 4-8 dates. It may be "old school" but there's no arguing with what has worked well for eons and still works today."

Good god. Why does it have to be so complicated? No wonder I am still single. I guess I'll never call or email a man again.